Do you find it hard to say "NO"?

We like to feel liked, needed, special, helpful etc and that's one of the reasons, I'm sure that so many of us women (and some men too) tend to always say "yes" and then regret it afterwards.

It's not that we don't want to help, it's just that when we say "yes" to someone else, we say no to ourselves. When we say "yes" to helping someone else get things done thereby making a dent in their "to do" list, it doesn't help us make a dent in hours.

This week, I'm getting things done and I've got a laser focus. I haven't got time to help others as getting my stuff done will finally take them off lists they've been on for years and just think how great that will make me feel.

So I'm going to be practicing these strategies and hopefully they might work for you too.

So how about:

"I can't help this time - who else can you ask?" or a slight deviation on this one"I can't help this time but XXX is really good at this" Be careful though, you may just plonk someone one else in it.
"I'm not sure, Let me see and I'll call you back later!" and a similar one "Now's not a good time, can I call you back later?"
"I'm sorry but I really can't help and I do mean it"
"I'm going to have to say 'no', it's just not convenient for me"

Some buy you time so you can think it all through instead of reacting. Others just come out and say "no". And remember, you don't have to justify, just say what you have to say and 'shut up'

Search for more than lumps, ladies.

It's Breast Cancer Awareness month and as someone who has known only too many wonderful women who have had this disease, it's one I'm passionate about.

Today , through the Be Fabulous Newsletter I discovered 'Bollocks to Breast Cancer' on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=135963158920 set up by Sarah Stewart who is currently undergoing treatment for Breast Cancer. I was so impressed and want to get involved and the first step is to pass on this info from Sara herself -

"Everyone thinks that finding a lump in your breast is the first sign of cancer. When I found a red mark that looked like a love bite but that remained on my breast for several weeks, I found out about inflammatory breast cancer. It starts with a red mark, is aggressive and does not often involve a lump.My GP said it was nothing to worry about. But I didn't want to take a risk.So I booked myself into a fast-track breast clinic last Friday and discovered that I had the early stages of a tumour. Bizarrely, the red mark doesn't seem to have been related to the cancer so something or someone out there was looking out for me.There is no history of breast cancer in my family either.I think of myself as being lucky to have found this so early. But please ladies, don't just look for lumps but also for changes in your breast skin texture, inverted nipples and anything that doesn't look quite right. Don't ignore anything."

Take heed of Sara's advice, we can never know too much about all of this.

It was through doing the Aviva Breakthrough to Breast Cancer Walk in 2006 that the East End Girls were born and we are still out there walking and raising money when possible.

Walk to work - check it out.

Simon Madrell at Excellent development has just drawn my attention to Walk to Work for the
Microloan Foundation.

On Friday 16th October, many people across the world will be walking to work and the money they raise will help women in Africa set up their own businesses. We need entrepreneurs everywhere so do your bit, if you can to get fundraising and walking, every little helps.

Check out this great website and see how you can get involved - http://tinyurl.com/yldtmwz. .

Is someone trying to get a message to you?

Where do I start? Perhaps one step at a time or as the strong messages that have been coming my way this morning say - 'do one thing at a time and complete it, then move on'. Sounds like good advice so why am I so bad at doing it?

No longer......

After having that same message come my way 3-4 times this morning I'm taking notice also because it might help with the over powering feeling I have of never getting all I want to do done.

Yes, I know, most of us probably feel like that at some time but I a) always plan to do far too much in one day, like a huge to do list b)I also try to multitask as new things come into my head. Result - total failure, very little completed and a great deal of frustration on my part.

This morning, I've stuck to one thing at a time and so far so good. So instead of trying to talk about 101 things in this blog posting just one. That is the repetition of messages like above where I read 'do one thing' in a book, then again in an article, then someone discussed the phenomena on a teleclass and as it's where I fall down I guess I should take this one board.

Are you getting any strong messages? Are you paying attention? Do you know what it all means for you?

Just take a little time and try and understand it all. Have a great day and I may blog again later, I definitely have loads to say.

They are excellent - Excellent Development

Many years ago when I hadn't been coaching for long, I took on a new client Simon Madrell who was in the midst of making a decision about career direction.

For Simon his next career move had to honour his values including the environment, being ethical and authentic and helping others.

We explored many avenues over a period of months and in the end up I remember saying "perhaps you need to set up your own charity" and that's just what he did.

Simon and Joshua who is based in Kenya and is the person who inspired Simon when he was a boyscout, have achieved amazing things and I'm so proud to be connected with them.

They won Charity Awards 2008 and today I heard that they've just won Third Sector Magazine 'Small Charity, Big Achiever' Winner 2009 which is one of their top 3 awards - the others going to an individual and a big charity.

They are a charity you need to check out - http://www.excellentdevelopment.com/

More Simple Abundance advice.

I've also had to catch up on my Simple Abundance reading and I came across this yesterday, all be it from the section for Sept 19th. It's not time limited, this advice relates to anytime.

Sarah Ban Breathnach writes

"Ambition is achievement's soul mate. Action is the matchmaker that brings these affinities together so that sparks can begin to fly and we can set the world on fire"

Wonderful, wonderful stuff.

What, no blog posts?

What have I been doing since September 11th?

A quick trip through my diary reminds me of :

• A very sociable weekend catching up with friends
• a hectic but wonderful couple of days coaching NHS staff in the Chelmsford area as part of a Leadership Course they are doing. They were all fantastic people and I get to see them twice again as part of this initiative.
• some one to one clients on career and life management issues and also stress management
• the discovery of a suspected Achilles problem and research to find out what I could do about that
• a cancelled EEG walk as a result of my discovery above
• networking
• webinar planning with MediaCoach
• paperwork

Yes, it has been busy and I believe that because of that the creativity was not there for me to write.
Sun is shining this morning and it's stunning. I'm holding off my return to walking until tomorrow for my Friday group and then we'll give it an air before the walking trip to France next week. More about that later.

A Psalm for Life

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote:

Let us, then, be up and doing
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to Labor and to wait.

I came across this as the quote for Sept 11th in my Simple Abundance book which, over the years has become rather a bible for me. What a great mantra to live life by.

I have a full day in the office today and I've been up and doing already - feels great.

Keeping on the move.

I've done my East End Girl walks through the summer and did some wonderful exploring of new walks too as well as some client 'walk and talk' sessions but I have to admit that my early morning walking has been rather hit and miss.

I do miss that energetic start to the day so come Sept 1st I started them up again and already 3 days in I feel so much better, so much more energised and therefore more able to tackle the work load that has now come back into my life. I've been making a real effort to power walk and arrive home really hot and sweaty and knowing that I've had a bit of a workout, it makes me feel really great.

If you are aware that you need to get moving more then don't worry too much about the 'hot and sweaty' at the start, just aim to get out there more. There's a wide choice of exercise available but if you're not a swimmer, not into the gym, not a team player and find it hard to attend a class then perhaps walking is for you.

According to research from the Centre of Inflammation and Metabolism in Copenhagen it's the small bouts of activity throughout the day that protect our body from disease. They found that even slight reductions in activity levels quickly added up the chances of age related disease such as heart disease and diabetes.

So what can you do? It's really quite simple:-

• take the stairs instead of the lift.
• walk instead of drive for short journeys
• get off transport a stop earlier and walk
• don't email colleagues in the same building, go and visit them
• take up dancing with friends and make an evening of it
• meet friends for a walk and then have a coffee
• dance around the house
• use your kids trampoline
• get on the kids wii
• put more effort into the housework
• join a walking group
• get a pedometer, it's a great motivational tool

I'm sure there are loads more ideas but these will get you started and don't forget small amounts, you don't have to commit to hours of activity at any one time. Have fun.

No such thing as a banal tweet

I was recently asked to write about 'How Twitter can boost your networking and bring you new clients' for a newsletter I write for regularly. I've been on Twitter for more than a year now and am loving it - it's by far my favourite social networking tool and I have been giving talks to my local Athena groups about it and how to use it to your benefit.

Of course the comments that people make are interesting especially those who to date have not tried it but have picked up, usually through the media, info regarding the fact that it's all about what you had for lunch! I love the turn around that often comes when I explain what you can write in 140 characters and how it can promote and leverage your business as well as increase your networking.

One of the things I mentioned in the article was that 'I might even comment, as I did yesterday, on the blackberries on one of my favourite walks. That tweet got about 10 responses, with people sending recipes, saying I’d inspired them to go out and commenting on the importance of getting out in the fresh air.'

That tweet is still getting comments and the discussion has gone on over the weekend. Now that's exactly the kind of tweet some might label as 'banal' but it's my experience that tweets like this are the ones that really heighten your profile because they are the tweets that people relate to, the ones that show people you may be like-minded, the ones through which people get a feel for you and as they build the relationship, they want to do business with you at all.

Yes, people go to my blog and website when I tweet, yes, they ask for help and assistance but this tweet is the one that's got the most responses ever.

As Joel Comm, the man who wrote Twitter Power: How to Dominate Your Market One Tweet at a Time would say tweets like this are ‘a little bit of human interaction’

Liquorice for ever!!

Love it when I come across info that backs up what I believe or lets me know that something I do is good for my health. Discovered this today and wanted to share it with you.

If you have a sweet tooth and you're trying to cut down on your intake, how do you cope when you get that sweet urge? Well I know we can try and work through it and if we succeed we feel very virtuous but what if the urge just gets stronger and stronger?

One thing I do is to chew/eat liquorice but of course as it is sweet, I often wonder if it's really a healthier way of getting that fix. Well, apparently it is.

In China liquorice is known as 'the Great Detoxifier' and actually it seems as if this is a bit of a superfood with all that it can do. Among the benefits it bestows is the ability to:

• ease asthmatic coughs
• relieve exhaustion and stress
• balance hormones
• offer pain relief
• reduce inflammation
• cure hangovers
• help lose weight

Well all this has helped me feel better about it so I'm out to build up my stock. The only thing lacking in information about the amount you can eat so when I find that out, I'll pass it on. Happy chewing.

Dancing's great for your health.

As someone who has just got into Salsa dancing, I was delighted to read that research conducted by Queens University in Belfast found that regular dancing helps you age well. Now isn't that good news.

According to Anthropology lecturer Johnathan Skinner "Dancing alleviates social isolation, gives us something to live for and literally takes away the aches and pains of ageing"

I've only been doing Salsa for two lessons with my wonderful husband and we love it. Our teacher Lou, tells us we are doing really well and we can regularly be found salsaing round the kitchen as we prepare dinner.

All work and no play, well you know what they say.

Why is it that when we know that taking a break, as in days off, is good for us and when we have oodles of research that backs it up, do nearly 25% of British employees not take their full holiday entitlement?

According to info in the most recent Management Today, it's because they fear redundancy if they aren't there. Very sad but probably true.

Come on everyone, let's get wise on this one. No-one should give up their life to their employer, we all have lives outside work and need balance in those lives. Even if you take a long weekend, you'll benefit so start scheduling in some breaks and reap the benefits of being more productive and efficient; less stressed and a much nicer person to be around.

And no taking the work phone, computer etc away with you, go cold turkey and have a real break. Who knows you may even want to do it again, I so hope so.

Hazel's Monday Motivator Broadcast

I get these wonderful Motivator Broadcasts from the wonderful Hazel Palache and for a Monday morning this was so apt I wanted to share it with you:

"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily." - Zig Ziglar

I was asked recently how I managed to stayed motivated every day. Having not been asked that question for a long time many things have changed so I gave it a minute's thought. You know what I realized; it's really not challenging when you are doing something you love and when you have the right kind of action and marketing plans in place to make it flow more easily.

Have focused creative goals
Create a good marketing plan
Take daily action
Make sure you are serving your ideal client/customer
Be passionate about what you do and know why you are doing it!
Have a coach/mentor to stay on track and keep you accountable!

If you have all the above in place you will find yourself continually motivated.


Hazel is the Entrepreneurs Results Coach. A best selling author, coach and speaker. She is an expert on the subject of creating great results. Her goal is to help you unleash your potential to create the life of your dreams. Learn about her cutting edge result strategies. www.sayyestoyoucoaching.com

..and do get on board and sign up, it's all great stuff.

Hectic week

It's been a really crazy week in our house, schools breaking up, drama end of term events, drama exams, days out and painting so I haven't really had the chance to miss my poor husband who's been in Phoenix since Thursday 16th.

In busy times it's all too easy to let good habits slip a little bit because there's just not time but of course it's a false economy. The time taken to write in my journal, have 15 mins meditation time , go for my early morning walk actually doesn't take that long and is an investment in 'me'. After a few days, I've begun to notice that I'm not quite as in flow as I was and my cheery disposition isn't quite so cheery.

However, at least I'm aware of it and can take some action to restore these good habits and improve life for all around and especially for me. So I'll be having an early night, walking tomorrow and doing some reading and journal writing on Sunday.

Hope you have a great weekend too.

Dark clouds looming

Well there have been plenty of these dark clouds around over the last few days and as you see from my photo this morning , still more abound.

Luckily I was on my way home from my walk when I took this and managed to get home before the rain.

How do these clouds make you feel? What effect does the oncoming storm have? I love the depth of colour, it amazes me how dark it can become and of course it's often fairly warm too so it can feel really weighty and oppressive. Sometimes it can feel like the weight of the world bearing down.

Then of course there was last night. I don't know about where you were but in East London/ Essex there was the most amazing storm that rolled around for hours sending flashes of lightening to illuminate the whole house and crashes of thunder, which Ellie insisted, had caused the house to shake.

I like being safe inside and listening to and watching storms. They are so powerful and remind me how small and insignificant I really am. I don't mean this in a bad way but in a way that brings me to terms with the lack of importance I, like most other individuals, place on small things. When the power of en electric storm is around you, those little things fade.

When a storm has passed the air seems fresher, the burden has been lifted and everything seems lighter. It's as if the torrential rain that usually accompanies these storms has washed , not only the streets but my head too. I feel clearer.

I love the power of all water and love to be by the sea. I love to walk along empty beaches when the sea is pounding the rocks and crashing up the beach. Perhaps this love of water is also why, when my head feels heavy, I often go and have a shower, allowing the power of the water to pummel my scalp and clear my mind.

Where I am in my life at the moment, the storms mirror some of my inner turmoil as I try and decide where I need to go next. Sometimes, I just roll the same things round and round in my head and can see no direction then at other times, I get flashes of clarity just like when the sun shines out of that magnificent blue sky, after the rain.

The storms and erratic weather won't last for ever and neither will my fuzzy head, wonder what will develop out of it all?

The fun and challenge of midlife.

Does midlife mean anything to you? Do you relate to it as a time of your life? How does it feel to be there? Are you excited and hopeful, confused and disillusioned or caught up in it all and being carried along?

Wherever you find yourself, have a look at what my dear friend Karen Knott is doing. Karen is a coach and facilitator who works with mid-life women to help them make the most of this important transitional life stage and at the moment she is doing a wonderful A - Z of midlife on her blog - http://midlifematters.wordpress.com/

I recommend you take a look and laugh and cry along......

Here's the latest one.

"F is for 40’s and 50’s

When people ask me when midlife starts and ends, I try to explain that it isn’t a definable chronological age, so much as a life stage that we pass through in our own time, according to our own unique circumstances. So why then have I chosen 40 and 50 to represent F in my A-Z of Midlife? Well, because most people WILL move in and through the hugely important midlife phase at some point during this time.

There is something about those ‘big’ birthdays that end with a nought… they symbolise the ending of one decade and the beginning of another (obviously, duh!) but there’s something else about them. For a start, they tend to be the birthdays that many people find ‘difficult’. They seem to represent a psychological threshold – with some determined to stay THIS side of the threshold and others realising that they want things to be somehow ‘different’ the other side of the threshold.

For the baby boomer generation, our 40’s and 50’s represent something very different to that of our parent’s that’s for sure. Age boundaries are considerably more ‘fluid’ now, due in no small part to improvements in health, wealth and education – consequently, we have different opportunities and expectations. When I was 40, I gave birth for the first time, another friend became a grandmother for the second time and another was forging an impressive career path in corporate banking. All a similar age but each with very different realities.

We now know that 40 is the ‘new 30’ and 50 is the ‘new 40’, don’t we? What we don’t really know is WHAT the ‘new 30’ or the ‘new 40’ actually means for us – but at some point during these years, we are very likely to embark on the distinctive midlife journey in an attempt to find out.

Importance of a meal

Still on my Simple Abundance journey even though I haven't mentioned it in my blog recently. This year I've managed to get the whole way to July 15th without missing a day and I'm getting so much out of this wonderful book. I also know that I'll be reading it again next year and still learning.

I thoroughly recommend it - "simple Abundance - a daybook of Comfort and Joy" - by Sarah Ban Breathnach - request it as a pressie.

There was a lovely piece in it yesterday that I just want to share:
"The evening meal should be the higlight of the day. If the day has been peaceful, pleasurable and profitable, it's time to celebrate. If the day has beeen difficult and discouraging, it's time for comfort and consolation - blessings by themselves and reason to celebrate. Either way the celebrating table bids"

A reminder to us all of the need to stop and to come together to share, to talk, to support and to celebrate.

Are you committed?

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative and creation. There is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans; that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen events, meetings and material assistance which no one could have dreamed would have come their way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets: “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now!” ~WH Murray

Network on foot too.

I do many of my one to one networking sessions on foot now especially when the weather is good. We walk and talk so are not tempted by cream cakes and other delights and of course we get some exercise in too.

As when I coach on foot, I always seem to come back with a greater understanding of the person and a bigger picture and we both feel great too.

Last Thursday I walked with Karen Flint, (in the photo) who I'd met at one of my Athena meetings and at last our diaries coincided to let us get out there walking. Not only was it a lovely warm day but I discovered a new part of a route, got to see the lake at Highams Park in all it's glory and learnt loads about Forever Living Products. I was in fact using one of their lip balms as we walked and it's the softest and most gentle lip balm I've ever used.

I recommend both Karen, who is a very engaging and hard working lady totally and the products, which Karen is clearly fully committed to. To find out more, visit http://www.freedomofbeauty.com/