The $64,000 question…

I always think that it's a shame to try and reinvent the wheel when a great piece has just been written, so today I'm bringing to you a piece that I believe as many women as possible should read....and some men too.


It's thanks to my colleague Claire Brummell wrote - http://www.feminine1st.com/ Check Claire out once you've read this and let us know your thoughts.


So…the question that everyone keeps asking me…what IS femininity?

Well, let’s start with what it isn’t.  There are so many misperceptions about what the word femininity actually means, and I think it’s important that we address these up front.  Over the last couple of decades, the word feminine (unless referring to the latest Ralph Lauren line) hasn’t always been seen as the most flattering description for a woman.  This summer when Susan Walsh suggested that women “try on” femininity for a short while to see how it fitted, one woman remarked that she saw being described as the most feminine member of staff at her place of work insulting as she believed that feminine = weak and that it meant that she wasn’t being taken seriously.

So let’s start with weakness.  Femininity has about as much to do with weakness as Manolo Blahnik has to do with aubergines (cue lots of emails telling me he is an aubergine addict…).  In fact, a genuinely feminine woman is incredibly strong; feminine strength just presents itself in a different way to masculine strength.  Masculine strength comes from tension and contraction whereas feminine strength comes from flow and flexibility.

Another common misperception is that it involves being submissive and appeasing people around you (especially men).  Again, nothing could be further from the truth.  It’s about being true to yourself, finding your inner strength and self respect and being proud of who you are inside.

I’ve also heard several women say that femininity is about being girly, pink and fluffy, or replicating old-fashioned domesticity.  Every time I hear femininity described in this way, it is always followed up with a comment along the lines of “but that’s not who I am”.  Femininity comes from the inside out;  it’s not something that you ‘put on’ in order to give an appearance.  The time that a woman is truly feminine is when she’s being totally authentic.

Femininity can take on many forms, because it is unique to the individual woman.  For example, when I’ve asked for examples of feminine women in the public eye, three women who regularly get mentioned are Kate Middleton (the newest member of the royal family), the actress Kate Winslet and Dita Von Teese.  I’m sure you would agree that the appearance and behaviour of each of these women are very different, and yet they are all viewed as feminine women…because each of them are being completely authentic from the inside out.

Now I wouldn’t want there to be any misunderstandings, I don’t believe that there’s anything wrong with being pink, girly or fluffy, if that’s who you genuinely are…but I wouldn’t want anyone to think that the route to femininity consists of dressing daily in a pink fluffy dress!
Femininity is about being who you authentically are inside, plain and simple.
…and as such defining it in specific terms can be a little challenging, as femininity is slightly different for each individual woman.

However, there are some core aspects of femininity which are common to all feminine women.  They may appear to a greater or lesser extent from person to person, but they will all appear in some shape or form.

In order to make it nice and easy for us to remember these aspects (in case we decide that we would like to focus on developing any of them), I’ve pulled them together into a simple acronym.  It couldn’t be simpler…it’s about being F.E.M.I.N.I.N.E. first.

Flow – Femininity is all about being open, and letting things flow.  The crucial element of this flow is that it is two-way; it is about giving AND receiving in equal measure.

Emotionally connected – Women are natural relationship builders; we use our ability to connect emotionally with ourselves and others to develop genuine bonds with the people around us.  Our ability to express vulnerability, compassion and kindness are our biggest assets when it comes to connecting at an emotional level.

Magic – I’m not referring to Harry Potter or David Copperfield here!  This is all about re-capturing the sense of magic from our childhood.  Being playful, childlike and having fun with life!  Most importantly…don’t take yourself too seriously!  Remembering the wonder that life held when you were a child and bringing that joy and ability to appreciate the little things into your everyday life.

Inspiring – Unlike some of our male counterparts, feminine women don’t have any inclination to use force or pressure to affect people around us…our core strength lies in being able to inspire, motivate and positively influence anyone we come into contact with.

Nurturing – Women are at their heart nurturers…but this doesn’t mean that we all need to have children, or spend our afternoons tending flowerbeds!  Our nurturing nature can be applied in any area of life…it is about supporting and helping to inspire growth in both ourselves and those around us.

Intuition – Everyone has heard of female intuition – tales of it are legendary!  But it doesn’t have to take the form of some sort of supernatural ability…intuition can simply be a blend of awareness, knowledge and experience.  At times I’m sure that we’ve all had a gut instinct about something…often that we couldn’t actually explain or rationalise…it could be that we’re connecting with some sort of “higher ability” or it could just be your subconscious is aware of things that your conscious mind hasn’t noticed.  Either way…if it serves you and steers you in the right direction, then it’s got to be a good thing!

Natural Love – Emotion is such a crucial aspect of femininity and as love is the most positive and powerful it is the best place to start, both with yourself and with others.  Love has managed to get itself a bit of a bad rap though…we’ve all heard sayings such as “Love Hurts” and “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”.  So when we talk about love it’s not the 21^st century kind with all the rules, restrictions and pain associated with it.  We are talking about natural love, the kind that you have for your mother before you even know who she is.  Unconditional love…pure and simple.

Energy – Energy is where the spark is added to the mix.  This is where our sense of strength, passion and real power comes from.  A feminine woman is an absolute force of nature.  She doesn’t seek out power, or to prove herself like her male counterparts…and when she’s really in her element there is absolutely no need for either.  She can feel the flow of feminine power coursing through her…and every single person she meets can feel it too.

So there, as promised, is my definition of femininity.  It’s come as a result of researching lots of different sources…as well as from my own personal experience.
…and the question now is – what’s YOUR experience of femininity?

I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts…
Stay fabulous!

I don't know about you but I found myself nodding in agreement most of the way through this.

Please don't feel alone

Deciding to set up your own business can often be a lonely path, at least until you find some others heading in the same direction. This article which was recently brought to my attention by my friend Ruth Keel is a great comforter as it allows you to see that you are not at all alone.

Written by by Jeremy Sherman, Ph.D. check it out and let both myself and Jeremy know what you think - http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ambigamy/201101/not-alone-how-go-out-limb

This is how one person saw it....

There are some things in life that work better with some planning and preparation and starting a blog is one of those things. Too often I've seen clients getting carried away with the idea and what results doesn't do them any favours. They set one up, they post, they tell everyone and then, having raised expectations, they fail to post again.

When a few months later the initial post is still all that can be seen, the response to their inactivity is usually that they didn't have the time or they didn't know what to write about. Both reasonable comments but I beg you, think about those things before you start, as posting like this is far worse than never posting at all and can damage your reputation.

It's because of the above that I run Blogging workshops to help with the planning so that this experience doesn't happen to you.

One of the recent attendees on one such workshop on November 3rd was Lisa Symonds from http://www.abbeyantiques.net/ and this is what she had to say -

"I have known Heather Waring for over 5 years and can fully recommend her services and attention to detail/customer service.

Following my attendance at Heather Waring’s ‘Blogging Workshop’ in November I left so excited.......about writing, about my imagination, about life. Deep and sincere thanks for reinforcing my heart's desire about marketing, writing, blogging.

I thoroughly enjoyed the interaction within the group and sharing ideas (good or bad!), the easy and relaxed approach and thrashing out ideas.

Blogging isn’t easy is it? You work all day (and sometimes into the night) with the day job and then somehow you’re expected to find the time to blog. And for goodness sake, does it even work? Is it even worth it? You hear horror stories of people putting in dozens of hours a week with nothing to show for it and it becomes scary but following Heather’s workshop and the tips and advice received has given me the ideas to get started and changed my views.

It helps to develop relationships with my current and prospective clients, showcase our work and gain recommendations. And on top of that, gain a good chunk of enquiries and clients through the blog. It will certainly become a core part of my marketing mix and something I’d be loathe to do without.

That said, it takes time (that I don’t have) and energy and determination. There are times when I just don’t think I’ll be able to find the time to blog, and times when I’m so busy that I just need to let it go for a week or two. But from the workshop we have understood that it does not have to be a full A4 essay, it can be as simple as an image or a client’s testimonial but planning and preparation are the main tips which I take from Heathers advice.

After the workshop, I now have a healthy attitude to my blog and social media. I know that I’ll get out what I put in. And I love to put in a lot, but not at the expense of my wellbeing. And I think it’s that attitude that really makes a difference, so put in a realistic timeframe where I can be consistent in my fortnightly blogging and not commit to weekly/daily blogs.

Preparation and Consistency are the key elements that I take from the workshop. A great blog with a strong and loyal readership is my focused. To be clear about what I write about, what my focus is and how that feeds through to my business. The frequency of posts, the tone of voice and I believe it’s about being authentic.

Passion is contagious. It keeps people coming back for more, it enthuses them to tell their friends and it helps them engage with you. Passion is one of the key words people use to describe me when I talk about my business and I plan to portray this into my blog.

So from just a morning session on Heather’s blogging workshop I have gained all the above and much much more – don’t hesitate, book yourself on her next workshop if you are looking to start up a blog or to expand your marketing/business – its exceptional value for money and the return on your business will be the end results from the amount of blogging you but only if you get it right!

Heather has been professional and courteous at all times and I have no hesitation in recommending Waring Well but should you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me."

Lisa Symons – Director, Abbey Antiques & Furnishings Ltd. 01708 741135 / 07956 480 361
www.abbeyantiques.net

I'm absolutely blown away by this and thanks to Lisa for her kind words but also her wonderful summary and for sharing points which will help others.

If any of you are interested dear readers then let me know. My next course is already full but I will be running others in early 2012 and also looking to deliver this as a webinar or teleclass so if I can help you , just tell me. Please leave your comments below.

The Tax Man Cometh

If you only read one blog post, read this one as it's really important and taking action as a result of this will, I guarantee, leave you much less stressed. In fact it ticks so many boxes and as we approach the festive season, it's a real gift to you.

So with great thanks to Tammy Furey of http://www.fureycoaching.co.uk read on.....

'tis the season to be terrified, tra la la la la la la la la.

In the UK, as we rocket towards the end of the month, the self assessment tax return deadline looms like a spectre on the horizon. But its no big deal, right? You have what you owe the tax man nicely squirreled away in a separate account, right?
No? Seriously?

One of the major challenges of being a freelancer is money. There is no other way to put it. Our income comes in waves and quite often there is no way of knowing (despite the work being done) when the cheque will arrive. It is all too easy to (finally) have money in your bank account, and to blow it all out of utter relief that it is there.

The secret is this: the moment the money arrives in your bank account, you have to (for your stress levels and future financial sanity) transfer out the money for taxes, into a separate savings account. What you transfer will be a percentage of the money coming in (this depends on your country and system: in the UK its 25-33%). This system also applies to saving for your pension, holidays and a fund to see you through the dry spells, when work or cheques just are not appearing.

At the end of the day, the key to working for yourself is being your own boss. Your boss in the 9-5 world would pay your taxes. Be a good boss, get a system and let it be one more thing not to worry quite so much about.

by Tammy Furey on November 9, 2011 in Blog, Tips and Tricks

 

My top tip is to get your hands on this book:
The money book for freelancers, part timers and the self employed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Money photo by http://www.flickr.com/photos/communityfriend

Ignore this at your peril.....

What is a 'Do It Day'?

I have a 'Do it Day' once a month and I commented on it this week, saying that this was what I was going to do. As a result a number of people contacted me asking me to explain what it was.

Well it's really very simple and the clue is in the name itself, the day is for taking action. You know those things that you never get round to; the things that always drop down the list; the things that you don't want to do so you always put off; the things that are not urgent but clearly on your list for some purpose. Well your 'do it day' is when you can tackle them.

All you need is skype and ideally an office based day and at least one other person. I have done it with two and three and in all honesty you probably don't need more than 4 as will become clear.

I tend to prepare for mine all month by jotting down certain things as I come across them and thinking 'that would be great for 'do it day' and then the night before I set myself 10 mins and choose what I'm going to do.

The day starts with a call at a pre arranged time, we usually start about 9 and everyone comes to the call with an intention of what they want to have achieved by the end of the day. Some people have one piece of work that they want to do e.g it could be working on a book, others have a number of different things that might be related e.g having a money day where you might be doing invoices and expenses and chasing up outstanding income etc; others may come with a list of unrelated tasks that they know would improve their quality of life if they cleared them. I once dedicated my day to sorting all the things we'd brought back from our French house when we sold it so I could make space in my lounge and dining room. Hopefully you get the idea.

We share as concisely as possible our plans for the whole day and then what we intend to do in the next hour, then we all go off to do it. After that we touch base on skype hourly to report on progress. Sometimes a little support or coaching is needed and you can take the person onto a separate call to do that so the flow is not affected but in my experience that need happens very infrequently.

We usually keep going till about 5.30 and what we all achieve is amazing and the feeling of shifting stuff is so great.

Here's what some of my co-collaborators have said:

"I’ve become a total convert to Do It Days because quite simply, they help me get things done! I love them because they are dedicated chunks of time for me to catch-up on all those tasks that I’ve been putting off, or ‘meaning to do’ and I know that by the end of the day I will have completed, planned and achieved far more than I thought possible. It never ceases to amaze me just what an effective combination focus and accountability can be.

The technique of checking-in every hour to give a brief progress update and share our intentions for the next hour works beautifully.  It’s amazing what you can get done when you know you’ve only got 10 minutes left before the next call!

Heather’s facilitation skills are terrific – her Do It Days manage to have just the right blend of energy, momentum and encouragement to make the whole process not just hugely effective but great fun too. " Karen Knott - http://primetimebusiness.co.uk/

"I've been having regular 'do it' days with Heather now for a couple of months and have found them incredibly useful.  You know those jobs that you keep putting off forever, or stuff that you feel you should do, but never seem to have enough time for?  Those are the types of things I use the 'do it days' for.  Why?  Because I get them all done, and actually enjoy the process!  I've been having to write some fairly dull reports recently, and using the do it day to get them done has made such a change.  Not only did I get them done in half the time, but also didn't find the process quite so dull.
 

Heather is great at making sure we keep the pace and motivates everyone to get going. Knowing that I have to report back in an hour ensures that I concentrate on the task at hand, and don't allow myself to get distracted by e-mails or other things going on around me.  You can of course still run your normal day around the whole thing, but it's a great way of ensuring you prioritise appropriately to get your tasks done.  It's almost scary how efficient I can be when I want to!  It's also nice to catch up with everyone throughout the day, especially if you are using the day to do something particularly boring.  The hourly chunks are just right, and the quick chats in between are great for re-motivating to keep going." - Sanna Anderson

If you have a go at these, do let me know how you get on and post a comment with your thoughts so we can all share and motivate each other.

Wise Words

On this sad  day may we be grateful for the life of this visionary being.

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
Steve Jobs RIP

Would you use a Beach Butler?

In LA at present spending a few days at a lovely little place called The Inn at Playa del Rey and just chilling before a 5 day conference. Was browsing a brochure highlighting the delights of Santa Monica, just along the coast and found a beach service called 'Beach Butler'.

Using the Beach Butler, you can be pampered and let them do all the work such as set everything up for you on the waterfront at a specified time and place and then they'll tend to all your needs delivering drinks, tanning products and food. You don't even have to leave your towel if you don't want to. They then clear up everything afterwards.

This offering is part of the well known Perry's Cafe and Bike Rentals business and although it may not work in your area - guess you need to be at the beach, I'm impressed.

www.perryscafe.com

For all you business owners out there or aspiring business owners, what could you offer to add to what you've already got which would fit in well and compliment your services or what could you start up a business in that meets the needs of others.

As with all business offerings, what is it that people need, what would make their life easier, what solution do you provide?

Even if you are at the beach, Beach Butler is unlikely to be needed by everyone but lovely to use on a special ocassion, to give as a pressie or for those who can afford it on a regular basis, I wish it great success.